This thing called anger

This Thing called Anger, with added thoughts


As a Christian, it is hard to share faults, but actually as someone said, "We are not perfect, just forgiven". As I strive to draw closer to God to hear from Him, He is showing me things more clearly that I need to get rid of. I am an emotional person but emotions need to be expressed in the right way


I realize that I have anger that is just under the surface. I am easy going and nice, maybe too nice, so that I don't let things that bother me out enough. Then they fester and sometimes come out in the wrong way.


I know that I shouldn't have anger, or that I should deal with it since it is an emotion, and let go of it. You need to deal with it, not just push it down. Anger, if not dealt with the right was, can lead to either depression, bitterness, or more serious things.


But how do you deal with it? The first thing is to find out what causes the anger.. Sometimes it takes some digging to get below the surface to find out the causes.


Sometimes we think we have dealt with something and it comes back up. Sometimes it is new things that come on top of other things you thought you dealt with. I have forgiven certain people and then they show up again doing things that cause me to get angry all over again. In my case it was based on past things that this person had done then taken liberties to do other things that might have seemed harmless but were an affront to me.

I was going to just share without sharing who or what but guess it doesn't make that much sense without explaining: My ex- husband left me when my children were 5&1/2 and 3 yrs old. He never was a father really after that- taking the kids out for a few hours here and there and then not at all for years. He was living a life definitely without God, living with a woman (there's more to that but won't go into it here) and drinking, etc.

Then comes the news that he has committed his life back to God. And now 20 yrs later he wants to have a relationship with his daughter and son. Thing is- my daughter is a missionary who is only home for a short time each year and each moment is precious with her. And my son is here but my ex doesn't try hard enough to reach him. He expects to be there for his time schedule. I could go on... and my family reaches out to him. I have been the one to do everything and now that my children are grown, he has come back to God.

Anyway, it has been extremely hard to get over the anger when he tries to act like everything is fine now. I was unemployed a couple times and struggled to keep things going for years and now... So, it has become resentment, and is hard to "get over" especially since also the Church is not there for me.

Here is where I have to look directly at Jesus and see that He does love me and these things are for a reason. And that just as He died for my sin, He also died for my ex's sin. Jesus' Grace is for ALL people if we accept it. I may be acting as the "Elder brother", but Jesus loves the elder brother just as much as He loves the Prodigal. I need forgiveness for my attitude as well as to forgive the one who has wronged me. What Jesus does in his heart is between him and Jesus; what Jesus does in my heart is between me and Jesus.

The one who comes back has missed out on all the years he was gone. I have had Jesus with me all these years even when I had trouble seeing Him. His Love is with me always. Now, I can forgive and can let go of the anger and resentment, because of His great Love for me.

Just as in this case, many times we get angry because we feel we aren't getting what we deserve for what things we have done. We do good things and they aren't appreciated. But the Bible says that "all our righteousness is as filthy rags". Whatever we do will never compare to what He has done for us and what He is doing through us. And He was put to death even though He did marvelous things. (That may be simplifying it but it is true.) And whether people recognize what we have done or not, it is God who sees.


The main thing is, why are we doing good deeds? It should be not to please men anyway, but to please God. And He is already pleased with us. As our Father He loves everything we do for Him or try to do for Him. Whether we give "a cup of cold water in His name" or risk our lives to save another's life, it is all for Him. So what does it really matter if we get the recognition here from men? It is from God we need to hear, "Welcome home thou good and faithful servant."


Another reason we get angry is because of fear down under, fear that we won't get notice or we won't get something we want. Or fear that we will lose something. We may feel this "something" is natural and not something far out, like a million dollars, but rather, people in our lives, or to have money enough to survive. And when we do feel we have lost something or someone, we get angry. I do feel I have lost some special people in my life and that hurts. We think we will be miserable.


So, it is fear of loss underneath the anger. Fear also is not from God. It is not based on trust in God, that He will provide either people or things. It is not trusting that He has the best answer for us. If we feel that we are losing things and people or life doesn't make sense, instead of getting angry at God, we/I should try to leave the situations in His Hands and leave them there. We must look to the unseen rather than the seen, that His ways are higher than ours. Someday we will understand it all.


I am still having difficulties with anger. I don't always really trust God, but am trying. I think that one of the biggest things to help me at least is to focus and refocus on God's love for me- I don't have to worry about what happens with anyone else. He loves me the way I am. I am trying...That's what it's about, trying, maybe failing and falling, but getting back up again. And lots and lots of prayer. and teaching and/or studying. With each trial, we grow closer to God and are a witness to others.

Desiring to be closer to God: A Song in my Heart

Desiring to be closer to God: A Song in my Heart

A Song in my Heart

A Song in my Heart


When I first was abandoned by my husband, leaving me with 2 small children, depressing and anxious thoughts would fill my mind, “How am I going to do this?” “What do I do now?” “How can I do this by myself?” and stark loneliness gripped my heart.

Although music has always meant a lot to me, the love songs were just too much for me to listen to. I was a Christian, but listening to hymns a lot didn’t really get to me. I then found a Christian station that although having mostly Southern Gospel (nothing wrong with hymns or Southern Gospel, they just really couldn’t stick in my heart), I would listen to it all the time. One of my friends introduced me to some Contemporary Christian music, including those by Keith Green. Those were especially good to listen to.

But then I heard a song that reached down into my heart like no other. It is called, “He Covers Me”, by Steve Camp. The song is about God covering us no matter what we have done or what we have gone through, that He is always there, covering us with His Love.

I would listen to it all the time, on the radio when it came on or I bought several tapes, wearing them out, then buying another one. I remember curling up next to the tape player, or later the CD player. And I was crying out to God to so fill my mind and heart. I had so many decisions to decide by myself, after praying. I also had so many things I had to do by myself as the head of my family.

I had to deal with all the things that come with raising 2 children and going to their special programs and getting them to school and going on vacations and dealing with various problems that they came up with. I also had to be the breadwinner by going to school myself and then dealing with my job and the people I worked with, juggling all these things. I faced unemployment a few times for several months or 1 year 1 time. That was a truly difficult time but we made it through.

I am still single- went through several relationships that didn’t work out and of course, that hurt me also-but my children and I made it through. And they are doing well. I have grown through the trials ever trying to follow God. Music has become even more a part of my life as I have sung solos or sung at nursing homes or singing when I could and with my church choir. And even writing songs and other things. Now my relationship to God is so much closer, especially through music.

I have realized that though back then I couldn’t feel His Presence a lot of the time, He was covering me. He was right there, right by my side and in my being, helping me through each thing I had to go through. I don’t understand why I never have met “the right guy”, but God has been becoming more and more a part of my life. And music has played a special role in my life, drawing me closer to God. Music has been a big part of my overcoming different things or teaching me different things. I have been using music in my work as well.

So, this song has been a theme in my life- this is the song that has meant more in my life, the life song, that He sings to me…

We are never alone

This is the most wonderful promise in all of Scripture after we have been saved. We are not alone! Jesus is always with us. He is there to provide comfort, support, love when we feel all alone; instruction, direction, finances, when we need direction.
As a single person it is hard sometimes when I feel alone in my struggles. But I am not alone. Jesus is with me. Sometimes it is easier to believe when I see friends around me, but He wants me to turn to Him.

It is an easy thing to say, to look to the things unseen, but it is hard to work out, especially when I see married couples say these things. But He has promised to be my sufficency. He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. Some ways to get firmer faith in this promise is to meditate on the Sciptures, pray, practice the Presence of God, pray... Prayer that is honest and open, calling out to Him, is so important.

People need to realize that Jesus has come to forgive our sins SO THAT we could have a relationship with Him and He promises never to leave us. The God of the universe wants created us so that He could walk with us, be with us. When we sin, it hurts Him, it puts a block between us, but He sent Jesus to die and raise again so that we might have restored fellowship with Him when we repent and ask forgiveness.

I know that when I feel this veil between or disconnected from Him, it is my lack of faith, and it hurts me too. I know that I must come back to that relationship with repentance. And when I still feel bad about my lack of faith, I must realize that if I have repented then there is no veil and be thankful.

All He wants is true repentence and turning from my sin. He has forgiven and I must forgive myself. And sweet fellowship is reestablished as I seek Him.

A Defining Moment

A Defining Moment

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding” Prov 3:5 “Thou will keep Him in perfect peace who has his mind stayed on Thee because He trusts in Thee.” Is 26:3


Sometimes there comes a special time when you have to make a definite choice. This is it, either one way or the other. You have to take a stand. God puts a challenge before you that you can’t ignore.

As some of you know my daughter travels a lot to different places and some are safer than others. And in those less safe places we also cannot get in touch with each other very well except by email when she gets to a place where she can email- an internet café or something like that.

Well, I got an email from her saying she was having some problems that needed to be cleared up quickly, she needed a miracle. And so here I was- not able to contact her really- only something she would get the next day. God put me in a place where all I could really do was get others to pray for her, pray myself, and trust God with her. I could either trust Him or go crazy.

So, this was my challenge. I had to completely trust God that He would protect her and work things out that she needed. I had to say that she is under His care and I only needed to trust Him as well as keep her in my prayers. I had to decide whether God was really listening to me and caring about her and that I could trust her with Him. That is not too easy when it is your child. So, after prayer, I put her in His Hands. (I do have another child but either one in this place, I would have to trust Him.)

I would have to pray mostly and say to myself when doubts came up, that God was going to take care of everything. And somehow my faith in all the things I have heard and have said began to really become deeper rooted in me. I was actually able to sleep and went to work with peace.

And what do you know, I got another email later saying that things were working out! That was a tremendous miracle and I thank God for it. But I believe my breakthrough with trust was really amazing for me also. God does know the state of our faith, but sometimes He allows trials to help us grow and let us see our own faith. I believe that God put me in this place to make a decision to believe the things I say I do and rest on His care.

When trials come

When trials come

We are singing my non- favorite song again tomorrow," Blessed Be Your Name". And again I am having difficuty with it. The pastor that gave a flip answer to me when I explained it was hard to sing before because I had had so many people taken away or left, has since lost his father and our dear Senior pastor lost his wife in a tragic accident. Now the song means something different to that pastor, I believe.

I still have to accept that God is in control and He is The only constant in our lives. Only He knows what He is doing. He is trying to draw us to Him through any way to bring us closer and more like His Son. To make us shine and show forth the face of His Son. (See Rom.8:29) He is coforming us into the image of His Son.

I have had different internal sins, thoughts that He has been cleaning up as I give them to Him- like resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness... I feel that weights are being lifted from me as I confess and give them to God. And many ways these things come up is through dealing with different trials as well as standing on the facts of His love for me.

We need to focus not on the trials or circumstances around us but on God and believe that somehow He will bring good out of the problems and heartaches. And since He is God, He knows so much more than us. We need to trust Him for His plans.

I do believe that God is with us always, especially in trials but I need to remind myself of that a lot, to focus on that fact of Him always being there and not to worry or despair.

He is there as He is working to see Himself reflected in us more completely. He is right there loving us close enough for us to feel His Presence with us. Even in the trials, we have comfort with Him there, cheering us on. As we have accepted Him, He is in us and working through us. So, even when people that are really important are taken away through death or through their walking away He is still there. That IS the most important thing.

...Just so you know: Things I write are always for my growth and for me to understand also. And trusting God has always been hard for me too. I write for my learning to trust always.

Whole Heart

Whole Heart


Is this how it is, Lord?
Is this how You feel?
You love me and are so close,
But although I love You back,
It is not enough

I love You, but not with my whole heart.
You are not a total part of my life.
You are so close,
But there is a curtain between.

You want to be involved
With every detail, every part…

Does Your heart ache, as mine does,
To be close
Just to spend time with me?

When I received my new birth
I received You in me
You are always with me

But why don't I turn to You
To have the reality of You,
Your Presence, in everything?

Is this the ache I feel-
Your love for me,
Your desire to be involved
With every detail, every part of my life?

To drive me into closer
Fellowship with You,
To drive me into Your Arms?
To have my whole heart?


2001 @ J.Myers