Saturday, November 7, 2009
A Song in my Heart
A Song in my Heart
When I first was abandoned by my husband, leaving me with 2 small children, depressing and anxious thoughts would fill my mind, “How am I going to do this?” “What do I do now?” “How can I do this by myself?” and stark loneliness gripped my heart.
Although music has always meant a lot to me, the love songs were just too much for me to listen to. I was a Christian, but listening to hymns a lot didn’t really get to me. I then found a Christian station that although having mostly Southern Gospel (nothing wrong with hymns or Southern Gospel, they just really couldn’t stick in my heart), I would listen to it all the time. One of my friends introduced me to some Contemporary Christian music, including those by Keith Green. Those were especially good to listen to.
But then I heard a song that reached down into my heart like no other. It is called, “He Covers Me”, by Steve Camp. The song is about God covering us no matter what we have done or what we have gone through, that He is always there, covering us with His Love.
I would listen to it all the time, on the radio when it came on or I bought several tapes, wearing them out, then buying another one. I remember curling up next to the tape player, or later the CD player. And I was crying out to God to so fill my mind and heart. I had so many decisions to decide by myself, after praying. I also had so many things I had to do by myself as the head of my family.
I had to deal with all the things that come with raising 2 children and going to their special programs and getting them to school and going on vacations and dealing with various problems that they came up with. I also had to be the breadwinner by going to school myself and then dealing with my job and the people I worked with, juggling all these things. I faced unemployment a few times for several months or 1 year 1 time. That was a truly difficult time but we made it through.
I am still single- went through several relationships that didn’t work out and of course, that hurt me also-but my children and I made it through. And they are doing well. I have grown through the trials ever trying to follow God. Music has become even more a part of my life as I have sung solos or sung at nursing homes or singing when I could and with my church choir. And even writing songs and other things. Now my relationship to God is so much closer, especially through music.
I have realized that though back then I couldn’t feel His Presence a lot of the time, He was covering me. He was right there, right by my side and in my being, helping me through each thing I had to go through. I don’t understand why I never have met “the right guy”, but God has been becoming more and more a part of my life. And music has played a special role in my life, drawing me closer to God. Music has been a big part of my overcoming different things or teaching me different things. I have been using music in my work as well.
So, this song has been a theme in my life- this is the song that has meant more in my life, the life song, that He sings to me…
When I first was abandoned by my husband, leaving me with 2 small children, depressing and anxious thoughts would fill my mind, “How am I going to do this?” “What do I do now?” “How can I do this by myself?” and stark loneliness gripped my heart.
Although music has always meant a lot to me, the love songs were just too much for me to listen to. I was a Christian, but listening to hymns a lot didn’t really get to me. I then found a Christian station that although having mostly Southern Gospel (nothing wrong with hymns or Southern Gospel, they just really couldn’t stick in my heart), I would listen to it all the time. One of my friends introduced me to some Contemporary Christian music, including those by Keith Green. Those were especially good to listen to.
But then I heard a song that reached down into my heart like no other. It is called, “He Covers Me”, by Steve Camp. The song is about God covering us no matter what we have done or what we have gone through, that He is always there, covering us with His Love.
I would listen to it all the time, on the radio when it came on or I bought several tapes, wearing them out, then buying another one. I remember curling up next to the tape player, or later the CD player. And I was crying out to God to so fill my mind and heart. I had so many decisions to decide by myself, after praying. I also had so many things I had to do by myself as the head of my family.
I had to deal with all the things that come with raising 2 children and going to their special programs and getting them to school and going on vacations and dealing with various problems that they came up with. I also had to be the breadwinner by going to school myself and then dealing with my job and the people I worked with, juggling all these things. I faced unemployment a few times for several months or 1 year 1 time. That was a truly difficult time but we made it through.
I am still single- went through several relationships that didn’t work out and of course, that hurt me also-but my children and I made it through. And they are doing well. I have grown through the trials ever trying to follow God. Music has become even more a part of my life as I have sung solos or sung at nursing homes or singing when I could and with my church choir. And even writing songs and other things. Now my relationship to God is so much closer, especially through music.
I have realized that though back then I couldn’t feel His Presence a lot of the time, He was covering me. He was right there, right by my side and in my being, helping me through each thing I had to go through. I don’t understand why I never have met “the right guy”, but God has been becoming more and more a part of my life. And music has played a special role in my life, drawing me closer to God. Music has been a big part of my overcoming different things or teaching me different things. I have been using music in my work as well.
So, this song has been a theme in my life- this is the song that has meant more in my life, the life song, that He sings to me…
Monday, February 2, 2009
We are never alone
This is the most wonderful promise in all of Scripture after we have been saved. We are not alone! Jesus is always with us. He is there to provide comfort, support, love when we feel all alone; instruction, direction, finances, when we need direction.
As a single person it is hard sometimes when I feel alone in my struggles. But I am not alone. Jesus is with me. Sometimes it is easier to believe when I see friends around me, but He wants me to turn to Him.
It is an easy thing to say, to look to the things unseen, but it is hard to work out, especially when I see married couples say these things. But He has promised to be my sufficency. He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. Some ways to get firmer faith in this promise is to meditate on the Sciptures, pray, practice the Presence of God, pray... Prayer that is honest and open, calling out to Him, is so important.
People need to realize that Jesus has come to forgive our sins SO THAT we could have a relationship with Him and He promises never to leave us. The God of the universe wants created us so that He could walk with us, be with us. When we sin, it hurts Him, it puts a block between us, but He sent Jesus to die and raise again so that we might have restored fellowship with Him when we repent and ask forgiveness.
I know that when I feel this veil between or disconnected from Him, it is my lack of faith, and it hurts me too. I know that I must come back to that relationship with repentance. And when I still feel bad about my lack of faith, I must realize that if I have repented then there is no veil and be thankful.
All He wants is true repentence and turning from my sin. He has forgiven and I must forgive myself. And sweet fellowship is reestablished as I seek Him.
As a single person it is hard sometimes when I feel alone in my struggles. But I am not alone. Jesus is with me. Sometimes it is easier to believe when I see friends around me, but He wants me to turn to Him.
It is an easy thing to say, to look to the things unseen, but it is hard to work out, especially when I see married couples say these things. But He has promised to be my sufficency. He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. Some ways to get firmer faith in this promise is to meditate on the Sciptures, pray, practice the Presence of God, pray... Prayer that is honest and open, calling out to Him, is so important.
People need to realize that Jesus has come to forgive our sins SO THAT we could have a relationship with Him and He promises never to leave us. The God of the universe wants created us so that He could walk with us, be with us. When we sin, it hurts Him, it puts a block between us, but He sent Jesus to die and raise again so that we might have restored fellowship with Him when we repent and ask forgiveness.
I know that when I feel this veil between or disconnected from Him, it is my lack of faith, and it hurts me too. I know that I must come back to that relationship with repentance. And when I still feel bad about my lack of faith, I must realize that if I have repented then there is no veil and be thankful.
All He wants is true repentence and turning from my sin. He has forgiven and I must forgive myself. And sweet fellowship is reestablished as I seek Him.
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