Saturday, November 7, 2009
A Song in my Heart
A Song in my Heart
When I first was abandoned by my husband, leaving me with 2 small children, depressing and anxious thoughts would fill my mind, “How am I going to do this?” “What do I do now?” “How can I do this by myself?” and stark loneliness gripped my heart.
Although music has always meant a lot to me, the love songs were just too much for me to listen to. I was a Christian, but listening to hymns a lot didn’t really get to me. I then found a Christian station that although having mostly Southern Gospel (nothing wrong with hymns or Southern Gospel, they just really couldn’t stick in my heart), I would listen to it all the time. One of my friends introduced me to some Contemporary Christian music, including those by Keith Green. Those were especially good to listen to.
But then I heard a song that reached down into my heart like no other. It is called, “He Covers Me”, by Steve Camp. The song is about God covering us no matter what we have done or what we have gone through, that He is always there, covering us with His Love.
I would listen to it all the time, on the radio when it came on or I bought several tapes, wearing them out, then buying another one. I remember curling up next to the tape player, or later the CD player. And I was crying out to God to so fill my mind and heart. I had so many decisions to decide by myself, after praying. I also had so many things I had to do by myself as the head of my family.
I had to deal with all the things that come with raising 2 children and going to their special programs and getting them to school and going on vacations and dealing with various problems that they came up with. I also had to be the breadwinner by going to school myself and then dealing with my job and the people I worked with, juggling all these things. I faced unemployment a few times for several months or 1 year 1 time. That was a truly difficult time but we made it through.
I am still single- went through several relationships that didn’t work out and of course, that hurt me also-but my children and I made it through. And they are doing well. I have grown through the trials ever trying to follow God. Music has become even more a part of my life as I have sung solos or sung at nursing homes or singing when I could and with my church choir. And even writing songs and other things. Now my relationship to God is so much closer, especially through music.
I have realized that though back then I couldn’t feel His Presence a lot of the time, He was covering me. He was right there, right by my side and in my being, helping me through each thing I had to go through. I don’t understand why I never have met “the right guy”, but God has been becoming more and more a part of my life. And music has played a special role in my life, drawing me closer to God. Music has been a big part of my overcoming different things or teaching me different things. I have been using music in my work as well.
So, this song has been a theme in my life- this is the song that has meant more in my life, the life song, that He sings to me…
When I first was abandoned by my husband, leaving me with 2 small children, depressing and anxious thoughts would fill my mind, “How am I going to do this?” “What do I do now?” “How can I do this by myself?” and stark loneliness gripped my heart.
Although music has always meant a lot to me, the love songs were just too much for me to listen to. I was a Christian, but listening to hymns a lot didn’t really get to me. I then found a Christian station that although having mostly Southern Gospel (nothing wrong with hymns or Southern Gospel, they just really couldn’t stick in my heart), I would listen to it all the time. One of my friends introduced me to some Contemporary Christian music, including those by Keith Green. Those were especially good to listen to.
But then I heard a song that reached down into my heart like no other. It is called, “He Covers Me”, by Steve Camp. The song is about God covering us no matter what we have done or what we have gone through, that He is always there, covering us with His Love.
I would listen to it all the time, on the radio when it came on or I bought several tapes, wearing them out, then buying another one. I remember curling up next to the tape player, or later the CD player. And I was crying out to God to so fill my mind and heart. I had so many decisions to decide by myself, after praying. I also had so many things I had to do by myself as the head of my family.
I had to deal with all the things that come with raising 2 children and going to their special programs and getting them to school and going on vacations and dealing with various problems that they came up with. I also had to be the breadwinner by going to school myself and then dealing with my job and the people I worked with, juggling all these things. I faced unemployment a few times for several months or 1 year 1 time. That was a truly difficult time but we made it through.
I am still single- went through several relationships that didn’t work out and of course, that hurt me also-but my children and I made it through. And they are doing well. I have grown through the trials ever trying to follow God. Music has become even more a part of my life as I have sung solos or sung at nursing homes or singing when I could and with my church choir. And even writing songs and other things. Now my relationship to God is so much closer, especially through music.
I have realized that though back then I couldn’t feel His Presence a lot of the time, He was covering me. He was right there, right by my side and in my being, helping me through each thing I had to go through. I don’t understand why I never have met “the right guy”, but God has been becoming more and more a part of my life. And music has played a special role in my life, drawing me closer to God. Music has been a big part of my overcoming different things or teaching me different things. I have been using music in my work as well.
So, this song has been a theme in my life- this is the song that has meant more in my life, the life song, that He sings to me…
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